Yes, you can definitely set boundaries while improving your relationships as well as having more time left for yourself. Taking care of your own needs is your duty. When you're filled up, you can serve others so much better. When you're filled up, you can show up for your loved ones with 100% of your energy, love, and time. Whereas when you're already burned out, your plate is overflowing, and you're running at 7% of your own batteries, you can only show up for them from that place.
I have a very special client, Sophie. Sophie is 7, and we meet once a week to work on mindfulness, gratitude, and self-confidence. The other day, as we were playing with my Tibetan singing bowl, she found my purple, glittery magic wand from my childhood. She invented this game where we had to close our eyes and I would say what I wished for in my life. Then she would say "abracadabra simsalabim" and play the singing bowl. Then it was her turn. She always said I had MORE wishes I could make, which, of course, I loved!
Most people think that health is a very complicated topic and we need all kinds of lab tests and doctors visits to find out if we are healthy or not. While lab tests are great, there are some super simple indicators to tell how healthy your body is - without having to go to the doctor (unless you experience severe health issues, then please consult your doctor).
So often, women come to me, we have a great conversation, and they are ready to change something in their lives (or at least that's what they say!). A few days later, they come back saying that they'll first try to implement what they already know. However, chances are very high that not much (if anything) will change for them in the following weeks and months, and here are two reasons why:
Today is Mother's Day, and I want to talk to you about something that I haven't openly talked about yet in my community: motherhood. While 90% of my close friends are already mothers, I currently couldn't be much further away from motherhood than I am right now.
I thought by age 30, I would be happily married.
Happy Sunday, beautiful! Let me guess: you set an alarm to wakeup this morning, so you wouldn't waste your time sleeping and resting - because you have so much to do, finish, and accomplish today. And maybe, today was an exception and you didn't set an alarm :) But I've found that 90% of my perfectionist clients wakeup with an alarm on Sundays (and of course Saturdays, too!), because there's just so much to do.
The results my clients have been getting in the past few months blow my mind! Here are some related to their high-demanding careers: Promotions at work, pay raise at work, invite to join diversity & inclusion team, courage to speak up at work and ask for what they want, express their concerns and opinions at work without fear (and many other life-related things, such as candle-light dinners and date nights with their partner, better sleep, dancing and playing the piano etc.!)
Recently, I had to be really honest with my clients and they probably did not like me. I called them out on a toxic pattern. I had been called out on the exact same thing before, too, so I get it. And that’s why I needed to address it. We were a couple of weeks into the program and nobody showed up for our call on time. The first lady came in 7 minutes late to the meeting.
My goal in 2015 was to finally figure out meditation that everybody in the self-help books was talking about (and I’ve read ALL of them!). I started 21-day challenge after challenge and never made it past day 3. I tried this app and that app, but it just never clicked. It was almost 2017 when I finally figured it out, and meditation has since been a part of my daily practice.
Today, I want to talk about one of my clients who is engaged and learned a really hard lesson this week. She had a painful conversation with her fiancé and spent the entire last weekend crying. Her fiancé told her that she wasn't making their relationship a priority. He didn't feel like he was actually important to her. BOOM. I don't know about you, but I really don't want my partner to hold the mirror up for me and tell me this.
This photo is from NYC in October of 2019, just a few days before I moved out of the place I had called home and worked in for 4 years, the place I thought was my foundation. I had hope about life again, but it was still difficult. I knew life wasn’t punishing me, but it was still kinda hard to trust. I didn’t know how it would feel to live alone again after so many year. Not that I have a problem with being alone at all. I love my time alone.
It’s OK to have a blah day, beautiful! I’ve felt so cute the other day, and my hair has grown so much since last year, hasn’t it?! But I couldn’t get anything done... Literally all I’ve done today was reviewing the perfectionist detox training I did in November, which has been on my to do list for weeks and that I kept postponing to “tomorrow” - which, as we all know, never happened. And check all my DMs on all platforms.⠀
What kind of conversations do you want to have in 2021? Talk about why others are wearing their masks wrong, have weird haircuts or looks, or aren't doing what they "should", e.g. eat healthier or workout? Talk about why the government wasn't reacting faster in the covid crisis or why borders are still not open? Or that discussion that happened on TV the other day that you don't agree with?
A few years ago, I used to get sick pretty much every time I went on vacation... All I was doing was working. And when I wasn't working, I would still think about work. I was a store manager at Apple and loved my job, the people, my responsibilities. I had put all my heart and soul into work, but had very weak boundaries with myself, and struggled with switching my mind off after work.
While I’m sitting at the pool in the middle of the jungle in Bali, I had to think of something that I shared with my clients in our workshop last month:
Did you know that 92% of New Year's goals fail by January 15th?
That was just last week. This means that most people have already thrown their New Year’s intentions over board. If that’s you, here’s how to readjust your goals to make sure you can create your dreamy glow life this year:
Go over your goals and make sure you find them EXCITING! Don’t work on things you feel like you “have to”, because others tell you to, or you force yourself, because you want to please others or receive validation from someone.
Here’s an example: if you want to feel better in your body, look leaner, and have more energy, do it, because YOU want this, not because some beauty standard says you should weigh x kg/lb with your height, or because you want your partner to compliment you.
Make the action steps so small you can actually achieve them consistently, get first results, and celebrate the small successes.
Here’s an example: If you want to get into a habit of moving your body, don’t go from not moving at all to expecting yourself to work out 5 times a week. Start with simple steps like booking a class a week, or make it a commitment to move your body for 20mins a day including walks.
When we set goals, it’s not enough to just say something like “I want to be healthier”. I’ve been using the S.M.A.R.T. goals method for years for myself and with my clients to set goals that are exciting, realistic, and get us into actually taking action. The letters S.M.A.R.T. stand for the following criteria:
S: specific
M: measurable
A: attainable
R: relevant
T: timely
Here’s an example: “just working out more” isn’t a SMART goal. Make it specific. Make sure you can measure it, so you actually know when you can tick it off, make it attainable, choose a relevant goal, and set a time frame to it.
Something that’s important for you to know, beautiful, is that you can always adjust your goals. You can always make them bigger. You can always expect more of yourself. But first, we want to make sure that you set yourself up to win. You want to be on your own team, have your back, and see yourself make progress.
What if this year became the healthiest year of your life yet? Let it sink in. It is 100% possible, and I would love to support you on your journey. You so deserve to live your best life.
Head over to the Work With Me page to find out how we can work together this year.
Use the strategies I've taught my clients on how to find balance in work and life as a high-achieving woman. Click below to get it:
