I used to believe that it’s a bad thing to be a good girl. I used to believe that I needed to break the rules to be cool, do things that felt wrong in my heart in order to belong, and do things that would upset others, so that I could prove my courage to someone I was craving validation from (e.g. a boy I was looking to impress, a girl I wanted to be friends with, in teenage years definitely parents!)
How to break the “curse” of being a good girl
I remember turning our living room table upside down one day when I was furious about my mom and we had guests visiting! Lol it makes me cringe thinking about it, and it was definitely an act of me trying to not be the complying Martina they wanted me to be! I 100% do not want to go back to that phase at all lol I am in love with my good girl life today! :) So, lovely, here are some…
Typical qualities of a “good girl”
It is not a crime to be a good girl. In fact, it’s a gift.
You love.
You give.
You care.
You take on.
You keep going.
You believe.
You hope.
You support.
You don’t give up.
You have an open heart, even when you get hurt.
You always choose love.
These are qualities not everyone has, and you should be proud of them. It only becomes critical when you do this at the expense of your own happiness, health, mental & emotional wellbeing, so make sure you give from overflow and not from your remaining 5%! You have to remember to fill your own up always.
When you’re being shamed for having a good heart
I used to be shamed for being good, for following the rules, for complying with what was expected of me, whether it was from parents, teachers, or from me as a loyal friend in my relationships. I was made fun of for not following the cool kid’s drinking games (that would be a story for a whole other post!), or other things that just didn’t feel right in my heart.
Right? When you know in your heart, you know! And it is safe for you to follow that knowing 100%.
If you think there is something wrong with you: there is nothing wrong with you
You are perfect the way you are. If you consider yourself a good human being who truly cares about others, your values, your health, and the world, embrace it. Live it. Love it. It’s you. It’s who you are. It’s who God/the universe made you to be. And the world needs more of you.
The issue is not what others think of you, it’s what you make it mean about yourself, and how you feel about it - and that’s what you can work on, and change, so you can stop doubting yourself and instead feel confident.
Your confidence is natural
Because I was bullied for being a “good girl”, confidence hasn't always come natural to me. I had to work through a lot of things to get to the place where I love and embrace myself the way I am. And let’s be real, most children are pretty confident and don’t worry about what others think of them. Confidence is, in fact, natural, but as we get programmed in society and in school and throughout our relationships, we lose that connection to our natural state of confidence.
I get it. People tell you "just be confident!", and while that’s encouraging, that's not really how we build lasting confidence. Building your confidence can feel like walking through a field of landmines in the beginning. Confidence lies so much deeper, and feelings of low self-worth often go back to situations we experienced as a kid, such as not being listened to by a parent, being excluded from the cool kids at school, or a family member who told you that you couldn't sing.
When did you start shrinking yourself?
It sounds silly that something that happened decades ago may still influence how you feel about yourself, but I've seen this play out over and over not only in myself, but also in many of my clients. Other people’s opinions of you may have lead to you feeling ashamed for having a good heart, for caring when nobody else cares, or for sticking to your strong values that give you direction in life.
Take radical responsibility for your good heart
Acknowledge that you let others decide over you, and now, you can reclaim your values and the good heart you have - because more people need to experience your glow and your goodness on this planet. <3
So I am here to tell you that you deserve to feel confident (again, like when you were a kid) and that it is safe for you to just authentically be yourself, whatever that may look like. Your confidence may be a little damaged or broken right now, but it can be rebuilt. And it gets easier. When you start believing in yourself, the people around you will notice it as well, which will boost your confidence even more.
When you come from a place of love always, others will reflect that back to you.
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